Let there be peace

Let there be peace, let me have peace.

I don't understand why I feel fine but I have many troubled dreams recently.

One was on squashy, meshy dead aquarium fishes, one on terrorist attack and I was firing arms at them like in combat. Another stressful dream, I cannot remember. And lastly this morning, dreamt about work related stuff: under-quoted sales, low profit margin, delayed delivery, website design and moved office to Suntec area where the bus home did not arrive till 11 at night.

My gosh, I hope this is cleansing, just cleanse away the toxics that i have please.

Collages December

Adeline made me a booklet album of collages for Christmas.

It is very well done and it sums up her good wishes for me.

So sweet of her, touches my heart.

Retreat 2008

This year, we have booked a room at a small motel off West Coast Road to do our retreat.

I must say that there ought to be a review either quarterly or half-yearly so that there will be ample time to adjust our actions towards the goals we've set, however, I often am not serious enough to follow up.

Well, it is high time we have a retreat this year cos we skipped it last year.
There are loads of changes ahead and I really embrace and look forward to them.

For this year end, Suhaimi is finally getting married. Brendan will travel to KL for his wedding banquet and I will give it a miss. Mainly because it is on the eve of the Lunar New Year and I want to be in Singapore on Chinese New Year day. I am still somewhat rather traditional, visiting my Grandpa & the temple is a ritual I will not miss. As I age, I grow to appreciate visiting my relatives' homes with whatever chances I get. So yes, I love the Lunar New Year!

Oh, finally too, Jon is getting married. 30th Dec. Some of us just make that move much later than others. Well, he said he still believes in the institution of marriage and asked what I think of him. I said of course, I am glad he still believes.

We could only love our children, parents, our siblings more than anybody else, so when we meet a stranger-turned-lover, it's when the love extends to become family love. By all means, pursue it.

Making Amends

Every year around Christmas, my paternal family has a Christmas Party.
It is a non-religious affair since most of my relatives were not Christians until recent years. We started this event in 1987, and it has been 20 years!
The party was skewed toward a Christian theme for the last couple of years and some of us were not that comfortable with it. I felt that those sharing thingy should have a different platform as I don't feel that it is right to make other easy going people sit through it or join in with the church choir etc. The good intention does not work if it was intended for good, but for unprepared attendees, it is rather invading. Hence, we discussed and felt that it should remain a non-religious one as we have to respect the choices of the now minority non-Christians.
Whatever the case, the feedback didn't go down very well with my aunts and I felt quite caught in the middle of a disagreement. Since my aunts were still very much keen to have the party, we went ahead with it yesterday, though we were somewhat missing my cousins & the children.

I wondered why I didn't blog about this annual party though it ought to be quite a significant event and also, I have many pictures collected over the years.
There must be something I didn't look forward to talking about I guess, but now this will change. I used to care too much about having everybody enjoy themselves, I think I have forgotten to enjoy myself. So this will also change. I will also care about myself. That is why I decided not to invite my freinds anymore so that I don't have to entertain them and I can just be free to roam around. (sorry friends!). (oh with the exception to Pamela, cos she is one person I don't have to worry about! I can trust that she will make herself at home), so Pam, next year ok?

okay, the title is making amends. So, what is this about?

Amends- Apology / Repentance / Regret / Sorrow / Reparation

I must tell you, one of my aunts, she was a troubled person with mainly anger issues.
She was stubborn, hot headed and often downright unreasonable & non-negotiable.
She used to have this friend of hers who was like a buddy- 妹仔, they were closed like BFF, best friends forever type and had been hanging out like for 7 years before one of the fits my aunt had, the friendship ended. 妹仔 was almost like a family friend but we all knew too well that the problem was with my aunt.

So this was like in 1986.

Fast forward to 2008, voola! My aunt relented and made amends with her old friend. She invited 妹仔 to the Christmas party and 妹仔 came!
wow, what a spot. If it were me, I may not have showed up.
I mean, it is like how many donkey years where it was being left off, what's the point of continuing? But I am glad not everyone thinks like me. Or there will be less reunions.

I salute to my aunt for coming to terms and making amends. This must be a feat for her I'm sure and it was all worth it. That fuzzy feeling of forgiving and foregoing, oh it was kind of mushy. Good thing 妹仔 was a good sport and I must say I have a lot to learn from both my aunt & 妹仔! I think my ego is bigger than I thought it was, I may have been too proud to make amends. Many times, I would just let go. Oh how I protect my fragile pride. How many times I would not tell someone I was hurt by their actions / comments and how many times I chose to just shut off, let go, move on without them. How egoistic am I?

So ladies & gentleman, if you do find a need to make amends, tell me if you could do it or tell me how you did it for I do have to learn. ="/

Marina

I attempted to paint a beautiful scenic picture and chose to paint a Marina.

It doesn't look a bit like how I hoped I could achieve but well, I guess this is what I can come up with.

I don't know why Val didn't buy the colour white, among the many colours she bought.

I do need white but I am ever so lazy to make a trip to the store.

Nevertheless, I think I should be better at abstract or is this just an excuse?

Whatever the case, I find that sketching and painting is very therapeutic and I hope everyone will explore it sometimes.

Blood Bank

Brendan is a blood doner for the past 18 years.

He became more active in the last 10 years, contributing at least once in a month.

I started collecting some of the "stressballs" as I found that those with a theme are rather cute.

My favourite is the HariRaya themed ball, cos I find that that is uniquely Asian.

My veins are very much hidden under my fats & flesh, so much so that once I tried donating blood but the nurse gave up. Many times when I needed to draw blood, they couldn't poke into my slippery vein. So you can imagine how I always need to brace myself before any such incidents. There was once a doctor who gave up and then decided to draw blood from the back of my hand. So you can imagine my veins are really quite shy.

Diskettes

I was cleaning out my cupboards and found a few boxes of these diskettes.

They stored my phtographs and notes. I would normally make notes on books that I read and found some theories useful or empowering. Used to print the summaries for friends sometimes.

Now that I could not find a PC or lap top to access these discs, I've thrown them all away. While cleaning out more cupboards, I began to give away a lot of my stuff. They are in almost mint condition and I realised that I really wouldn't need as much stuff. I have packed away more than half of my clothings and I still have a lot to wear. It is really time to let go of my many materials, I don't want to become a hoarder. I aim to just have things that I am using on a regular basis. That will be my new motto.

OSEA

I am still very tired.. exhausted cos we had our in-house exhibiton event last Thursday. Followed by one night out for a fund raising event on Sunday night, plus yesterday's shopping, I am feeling very tired now!

OSEA

The staff put up a song-and-dance for the opening of the dinner party and I was at the front row because I am among the shorties. We danced messily and poorly compared to our rehearsals. I guess it was the loud music and the live excitement that led every one to become disorganised. But the guests all cheered with so much warmth that I felt really supported eventhough we were all messing our dance steps. That is a very nice feeling and I'm glad we had that.

Our industry is a male dominated one. There are always booze and sleezy girls. Lap dancing, if not pole dancing. Sometimes it gets humiliating but this form of entertainment is considered normal in my industry. I took a snap of the troop of girls that were dressed in sailor costumes. We called them Sailor Moon, associated with the Japanese anime. I feel that they are selling their bodies eventhough people are just oggling and sometimes touching. Human beings are still at this lustful state where they need thrills like this to be excited. I wonder how the more advanced aliens would shake their heads watching our childishness but I guess some of us are still at this primitive stage.

Embraceable You

Have you wondered whose comments are you most affected by?
I mean, if the comments are from people whom I don't give two hoots about, they seldom bother me.

I didn't know I was offended by Val's comments about me putting on weight at the wrong places. She illustrated with crossed arms, holding her arms, telling me that I've put on weight at my face and arms. I didn't know i was offended until she apologised in a text message.
That was when i replied to the effect: "you ought to be sorry".
She has all the good intentions, for me to be healthy and not fat or flabby, but little does she know I do not need to be reminded. As it is, every time there's a family gathering, the first thing that people tell me will be how much weight I've either gained or lost. There is enough exposure out there to know that I am not the hot body in today's era. But that is according to the common standard that everyone consciously or unconsciously accepts.

Whatever the case, I couldn't sleep, not because I was still thinking about the matter but because my dinner was not digested and I was feeling too bloated while I lie in bed. So I decided to break the paint-set and paint a maiden picture with it. I titled it "Embraceable you"- to signify that we should embrace our bodies in whatever shape and size. Embrace it with love. The body in this message is depicted by a baby, because a baby will never go "oh, I'm too fat" or "oh, I'm too skinny". A baby is just delighted he has a body.

So there you go,,, Embraceable Me!

OMG! She's 35!

Val brought me an exquisite set of water colours, brushes and paintboards.
Oh, they are so pretty, they're almost precious.
I do hope I could come up with some nice paintings,,,, something I would love to dabble in soon.

My sis handmade this unique looking bear.

I have not thought of a name for it yet but it is decidely male.
Given her limited handy-skills, I think this bear is a feat for her. Thanks a lot!
It has my name & 2008 sewn on its two feet (paws). Cool.

Brendan gave me a year-long present.
That is, two piggy banks worth of gold coins.
This year, it amounts to $833.
I thought it would be something like $1200 but it was not so.
Nevertheless, this has become a yearly regime that I quite look forward to.

Earlier on, Bren had bought me a Samsung mobile phone for my BD.
It is a touch-phone, an i-phone wanna be.
Well, it looks alright and it is time to just keep up with new technology ocassionally.

Oh, and I received my bi-yearly $500 cheque from my insurance payout.
I used to be so excited with this event but this year, it was a little dampened as my mom who is out of a job needs more money and had asked for some from us. Well, it is only our duty to take care of her needs, it is just that I have to adjust to the higher demand nowadays.

Overall, I am happy to be 35, though I used to think that that is a terribly old age!
I could remember when I was 21, when I met any co-worker who was 35, I used to shriek, like OMG, she's 35!
Now that I'm 35, I don't feel a day older than 23. I wonder why.
(Oh, pardon me, I do feel physically older though. Like I've lost the confidence to SKATE BOARD!!!! How did THAT happen?!)

Hilltop

Val, my sis & cousin Janice came over and I brought them to Hilltop for dinner.
The view, though not spectacular since it is more industrial scene, is not too bad.
It was very chilly though. We couldn't stay at the viewing point for too long cos we were getting cold!

E50

My parent company won first place in the Enterprise 50 award and we had a celebration at Equinox- New Asia Bar on Friday.
View from the 71st floor is spectacular, that goes without saying.
The company must spent a bomb, given that the whole outlet was booked just for us.

Look at the huge champagn, I was so afraid the cork would fly at me!!

Everytime we have a party, I would be very envious of the people who could salsa, ballroom dance or disco rock.
They just seem to have a ball of the time, how sweaty fun is that.
It is said that you will not desire, have you not possess the potential to fulfill it.
This means that I could also dance ever so with such jest, I only need to go learn it.
Okay, trust me, this is something I wanna pursue. For me, disco rock will suffice.

I'll go get a dance instructor to give me a crash course.
I shall tell you about it next time when I can dance.

Casual Poet

Adeline brought me to Casual Poet Cafe the Friday before last.

It was nice catching up with her and seeing her nice wedding photo album.

Casual Poet Cafe is like a travelog, they also sell independently published books and CDs.
Everything you see there is non-mass market and individual pieces.

She also made me a birthday collage, and luckily, I could fit into the demin dress she bought for me also. She never forgets that I like green, and bought me a green clutch pouch too!

http://blog.casualpoet.com/

Many Warmings

Recently, I've been to several "warmings".

Cousin Suzan moved to her new home at Infinia near Novena / Newtown and had a house warming for relatives.
Cool view,, 24th floor. Her bed room has the best skyline. She said it is very therapeutic to just day-dream watching the sky & expressway. haha.

My supplier left the company he worked with for 20 yrs to set up his own.
Enough of dissatisfaction he had, and he told me it is a relief to be on his own now that he has a good control of how things should run.
I attended his office-warming last Saturday night,,, it was a a very very deep end at Tuas.
Some phone network on the mobile switched to M'sia zone, so you can imagine how far it really is. Brendan sent me there and decided to wait for me. oh,,, I felt so bad. I told him to join the BBQ but I guessed I wasn't persistent enough. Turned out that all the guests brought their spouses/children/siblings!! to the party. I admit I should have checked with the host if I could bring my husband. I ought to do better next time. =P

I will be attending Tim's office-warming this afternoon.
It is funny he timed the office warming to coincide with my sis' birthday.
Is it a 2-in-1 party? Probably not but we shall see....

Birthday comes Early

Now that I've given up on wanting an i-phone, I bought for myself an i-pod touch instead.

It is a fascinating appliance and has been entertaining so far.

I will treat this as a BD gift for myself.

Love-vine

I told you my blind-in-the-right-eye father-in-law will paint again.
See his latest paintwork. A heart-shaped dartboard look-a-like motif that frames his wedding photo, and the vines above. This is quite nice and I hope he will keep this at least for the year end festive season. Knowing his restlessness, I'll never know when this wall turns blank again.

CSI Miami

Lieutenant Horatio Caine

Detective Yelina Salas (sister-in-law)

I have watched so much of CSI that I am now watching re-runs of the earlier seasons while waiting for our cable channel to update itself. Well, there's an option to pay like $3 or so to watch the latest episodes but I am not fan to that extent.

You know, I like watching CSI is for the deducing that I do. But I don't watch Foxcrime's real CSI - criminal minds, where the episodes are real-life cases. Because my mind's threshold can only deal with drama and not non-fiction crimes. Call it denial but I take no interest in knowing a sick criminal's mind.

Okay, back to CSI Miami.

Character Lieutenant Horatio Caine (actor David Caruso) is a man whose word is good as oak.

He has a lot of compassion for the victims no matter their background and he always vows to find answers for the survivors and he makes their safety his personal responsibility.

Plus, his staff / team = to him. He puts himself on the chopping board before his team.

So that makes him to be the hero of the series naturally.

I have always liked him (character) and I almost couldn't differentiate Caruso from Lt. Caine as his acting is so intense.

So anyway, what I wanted to tell you is that there was something that set me thinking, and it was nothing to do with mystery or crime but how Lt. Caine handled a situation.

In the series, Lt. Caine had a younger brother who died while on duty or something along the line. His brother's wife was Detective Yelina Salas, a mature and sohpisticated lady. They were very close as a family as well as as workmates and after the death of the brother, Yelina and Caine bonded even more as they have both lost the person they love dearly. So, there was this thick bond and family love between them.

Then came a younger blond lady and a toddler daughter- Madison.

Lo and Behold! They were the brother's mistress and biological daughter.

(The brother & Yelina have a son about 10)

The mistress only came to Caine because Madison was having some serious illness and she needed the pension money that Caine's brother left for them. (She is also a genuinely nice person and supposedly Caine could tell that their affair was no fling etc)

Caine did not let Yelina know about the mistress & daughter.

He didn't lie, he just didn't bring it up.

He continued to maintain a close relationship with the brother's mistress as well as the already well establish relationship with Yelina.

The strain came when Yelina saw the mistress with Madison and the way & manner Caine looked and treated the little girl. She realised that was the lovechild of her husband.

After recovering from her initial shock, she was bitter and felt betrayed.

Not just by the dead husband but by Caine, who obviously chose to have a relationship with them.

Caine, in the show is a person who is clear headed, firm to his opinion.

As it is, he is like a crusader for the weak, so it is not surprising that he chose to take care of the mistress and his brother's daughter. But I couldn't quite agree with him when under pressure from Yelina, he chose to let Yelina go. Yelina was upset and bagan to not let Caine walk her or have dinner together, the usual stuff they did. She was implying "it's them or me". And Caine let her be. So, she was even more heartbroken.

Well, you can say that she did it to herself cos she cornered Caine to choose.

She could have left it as it is and continued her relationship with Caine but she couldn't.

She couldn't be with someone who treat her as well her nemesis with equal love.

I couldn't blame her.

Life with all its complexities is like this.

In drama or real-life, this is just one thing that gets me thinking.

So what say you?

Paintings

i wanna learn to paint like that

What kind of men I like

My colleagues asked me to name a few celebrities I would consider handsome / attractive....

I thought for a very long time and asked, Asian or Caucasian?

They said Asian.

I thought for a really long time but couldn't name one.

Then I said Caucasian can or not?

They said OK.

So I said James Franco.

They said "Huh?" Who?

I said,, there,,, Spiderman 3,,,

They had no idea.

So I said ok, I'll go find some photos of him.

And so it was.

They asked me to elaborate.

I said, firstly, the eyes must be soulful. ie, expressive. Joyful or sadness can be seen or expressed.

Then, it's the smile. Mischievous smiles are very attractive.

The whole package must come with brain / intellect.

And so it is.

It Ain't Over

I am not a F1 fan and for the 2 weeks that led up to last weekend, I think many Singaporeans were also not very hyped about F1 (expect the die-hard fans who paid hundreds / thousands of $$). Street poll taken by The Straits Times revealed that most locals didn't even know the race date. Many locals shunned from Suntec area, thinking that many roads were closed (which wasn't the case) and retailers suffered quite a bit.

I guess this showed a lack of interest initially, that is until all the action took place.

Non-ticket holders tore down fences, stood on Ladders they brought from home (!), stood on dust bins, checked into costly hotels just to catch a glimpse .

There were 2 placement rounds on Friday & Saturday where the racers raced to get into top 15 qualifying positions. This positioning is said to be utmost important as the pole race (first position to start the race) is said to have the highest chace to emerge champion. Incidentally, it was racer - Massa, whom was said to "own" street races. (I personally think that is quite a cocky remark).

So anyway, the Ferrari team had all the prime positions and was deemed to win.

Then came the fluke accident where Alonso's team-mate Nelson Piquet crashed into the wall and the safety car came out to make sure that all racers follow behind it until the debris were cleared. So happened that Alonso was lined first behind the safety car and he had just filled up his tank earlier. (that means he could dash while the other cars probably are light on fuel). At that point, I think he was at position #13? This twist of event eventually paved the way for him to emerge champion, of course it was a feat for him to maintain the lead thereafter.

Note that Alonso started at the last position (#15) at the start of the race and his comment before the race was that he just had to fill the race and do his rounds.

So ladies and gentlemen, it ain't over till it's over.

Of course many will say that this is a miracle or fluke. But really, this is a classic case of keeping the right attitude and siezing the opportunity, which is a great lesson to learn.

The ever-popular & ever famous Ferrari is eating a humble pie now. They suffered more that just disappointment, given the many technical glitches they had.

And so, everyone is facinated, amazed, shocked or just in awe with the result of F1's inaugural night race, hosted by Singapore.

Disaster

I couldn't find the mood to write much last week or so.
Firstly, my CPF investments are doing so terrible; if I sold them, I would have made 14k & more losses.
That would mean that I'll have to hold.
How long will it take to break even, given that the global financial market is down and looks like for the long haul.
The only consolation, if any, is that I could hold. That's all.

Never will I dream that I would be affected by the downfall of Lehman Brothers but I am.
It is too distressing to think about it. I can't go on to think about it.

Then came the food scare on the toxic chemical found in milk products from China.
On the recall list are some items I've been consuming- vitasoy milk, meiji milk.
Hastily read the labels- made in Hong Kong, and made in Thailand.
All common consumables are from Asia. Are they not safe?
What has become of the world.

An Eye for An Eye Makes the Whole World Blind

Can you imagine I was more shocked than mad when my neighbour vomited from his bedroom window and his vomit splashed onto my window pane, onto my cushion and my laptop!!! Eeek!

I screamed upward to him: "WA LIEW!!! WA LIEW, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" (Wa liew is the slang for wa lau, which has origin in wa lan, which is a profanity referring to the penis). I don't know, but it was a reflex verbalization that came to me at the point in shock. I rushed to the kitchen to fetch a bottle of water to flush away the debris and cleaned my windows and I made like one dozen trips back and forth. The whole time I shouted at him saying:"DO YOU WANNA COME AND CLEAN IT! DO YOU WANNA COME AND CLEAN MY WINDOWS?!"

There is no anger in me, I was only flustered that he was so inconsiderate to do it at his convenience. For a man like this, I only had sympathy. I heard him coughing away, so I thought he must be suffering from one of his over drinking. This guy is most probably a Malaysian cos he speaks with an M'sian accented Mandarin in a loudmouth manner. He often has several Chinese Nationals girlfriends in his home at any one time. I think he either doesn't work or works at night as he is always seen leaving home at night. Though he fits the profile of a pimp, I have no evidence he is one.

While cleaning, I tried to summon some hate-thoughts to hope that one day the neighbour above him will do the same to him, but I couldn't summon that intention. It just wouldn't come. In fact, I was hoping he would be fine. Oh, what contrary I face.

I called Brendan to tell him there is a portion of the window I couldn't reach, there are streaks of vomit that are not new but maybe a few days old! To think that I had been sleeping with his vomit is disgusting. Brendan said maybe he is sick. I said ya, let's send him love.

Gosh. I surprise myself sometimes.

In Reiki, we learn to send love. The more the person behaves badly, the more he needs it actually.

There is not an ounce of anger in me, of course I am upset that I am cleaning up a stranger's vomit. I could only hope he doesn't do it again cos if he really does, I will have to invite him to my home to clean up his mess.

An Eye for An Eye makes the Whole World Blind.

881

It was so hard for me to watch the movie <<881>>.

Had I known it was gonna be this hard, I may have not watched that DVD.

Well, the theme revolves around 2 girls whose passion was for Getai Singing.
How they prayed to be good at it and how competitive it is at our local scene.
The sitgma the singers face as well as the lewd environment associated with Getai.
The hard part for me was that one of the girls was terminally ill. But she struggled to live her dream as dignifyingly as possible and faced fierce competition with feisty. Though she succumbed to the illness and died, she lived her dream.
I don't know why I should be feeling so sad when there's actually such bravery, support and love all over.
Movies like these had never had such a sting in me before. If I could be honest about it, I could only say that it now does because of what I went through with my dad.

I do not know what's more to learn but I've learnt to take the good, the bad, with a good attitude.
Isn't it how?

The End of Being Cranky

I tried to understand why I was so cranky over such trivial matter (in entry below) and realised I had over-reacted.
So sorry you had to see it.

You know, it is really harder to do than preach.

Many years ago, I read about "reverence" - having understanding for people in situations, and extending that understanding to somewhat strangers. For instance, the driver in front of you is road hogging and driving mindlessly. It drives you crazy and you drove up next to him to give him the finger, no, to just tell him to hey! stop road hogging, you don't own the road. As you drove up to him, you recognised that hey, he's an old friend you haven't seen for a long time. You pull him over to say hello and to tell him it is dangerous to drive in that manner. Before you could start, you see that his face is grey & gloom. You ask what's wrong? He told you his wife just died and he is on the way home to break the news to his 3 boys. Immediately, you forgive him. And you blame yourself for being so worked up over a trivial matter. That chap has a lot to deal with, you thought. And this, my friend, is reverence. Or so this is what it was titled in that chapter I read in that book "The Seat of The Soul" by Gary Zukav (The Dancing Wu Li Masters).
I couldn't fully appreciate this learning, even till now.
I find that I couldn't be finding excuses for people's "sub-standard behaviour".
There will always be some reasoning for a bad behaviour and I couldn't care more or I will always be soft and giving and then we'll all crumble wouldn't we?
But I realised that my problem is that I am giving to most people, young & old, strangers & relatives, BUT i am critical to people I dislike. So, there you go. Mystery solved. I am a biased human.
There still is a lot of revering for me to do. So while I am figuring it out, I've decided to stop being cranky and be grateful to every joyous day.

Voilà!

Help! I'm a bitch!

Val says I'm too territorial.

I wanted to defend but didn't.

Cos I agree I am territorial.

Had I not feel an ounce of "guilt" being territorial, there will not be this entry.

So how?! (or so what?) okay, let me be open and raw.

I am territorial and It irks me even more when there's prolonged invasion of my territory.

The cells in my body wanna scream: "this is my territoy" (like that ah beng sitcom)

No matter how messy my work station may seem, it is neat, tidy and well organized. I can always find my stuff and they are always at a purposeful location for ease of process. Just like a production line. It only seems messy due to the constrained space we have. But I can assure you I am too methodological to tolerate mess for over period of time for the fact that I cannot live with mess. (oh no! I have no inner peace?) For the past 3 weeks, the colleague in front of me tidied her work space over and again but kept leaving her file in my space. Frequently, I put that file upright so that it lies in-line with her row of white files but soon enough, the file would be lying in THIS POSITION YOU SEE IN THE PHOTO.

Just on Friday, she TIDIED THE AREA, WIPED THE RAIN WATER NEAR THE WINDOWS, PLACED THE CLOTH ON THE WHITE FILE, AND LEFT THAT FUCKING BLUE FILE IN MY SPACE. OH GOD HELP ME I AM TERRITORIAL! ISN'T ONLY DOGS ARE TERRITORIAL? DOES THAT MAKE ME A BITCH?

ok, calm down, calm down. oh come-on.

COUNTRIES GO TO WAR OVER TERRITORY.

CLANS KILL OVER TERRITORY.

NEIGHBOURS GO TO COURT OVER FRUITS & LEAVES THAT CROSSED THE FENCE.

so, am i really that guilty of being territorial?

I am just trying to better understand myself.

you know, i haven't yet decided what to do with that blue file.

for this weekend, i've place it on top of the printer next to my table.

Here is what i'm toying to do:-

option #1- THROW IT IN THE BIN. AND DENY EVER THROWING IT.

option #2- THROW IT IN THE BIN AND ADMIT TO THROWING IT.

dreaded option #3- return to colleague and tell her to keep it somewhere else.

option #4- place it everywhere. change a location every day. (if i do this long enough, i could soon exercise option #1)

option #5- find a decent cupboard and put it in there.

I think the problem is that I've been invaded but I could not be open and confront the invader. Not because I fear her but because I do not want to acknowledge that she's doing it. It's an unhealthy mind-game!

It is so petty to even get angry over such minor intricacies and yet I'm angry.

I want to send the message that I'm not to be messed with but it is the wrong thing to do.

But at the same time, I am not saint enough to do the right thing. (yet?)

I face Duality. Right and wrong.

Secret Gardens

(i was only eating soup & greens)













I haven't eaten all the salads in town but I've eaten all the salads wherever my journeys bring me.

Verdict:

DON'T waste time (& money) on McCafe's ceasar salad.

It is too processed to be of much benefit. The cheese, the chicken shreds, are all too salty.

What was I thinking. Grading: -1 out of 10.

Swensens: emmmm, not too bad, 5 out of 10.

Hog's Breath: okay, emmm 6 out of 10.

TCCC (coffee club): quite good! emmmmm 7 out of 10.

Secret Recipe: well well, by far the best! 8 out of 10. Can't wait to eat there again!

After Art of Living

My company subsidized a workshop for us, called "The Art of Living"

I didn't really want to attend in the first place because I had already attended multiple similar workshops in the past 8 or 9 years. But I was persuaded by 4 other colleagues from the main office. They were new to these form of workshop but they were eagerly telling me about its said benefits which I am aware of. Just that I was lazy and didn't feel like committing to some daily rituals on Yoga stretches, breathing techniques as well as to fast without coffee. I was fine with non-meat diet for a week, it is the commitment of those daily exercises that I was lazy to follow.

Nevertheless, I thought well, just go. there surely will be something to learn. And so I went.

Since I was already on a non-carbo diet, a non-meat addition would mean that I am only eating veggies. I thought it would be rather difficult but it turned out quite fine. Though many eye brows were raised at the canteen when I took one heap of greens on my plate and nothing else. The workshop starts from 630 till 930 in the evenings, we learnt some basic Yoga stretching postures, some structured breathing techniques, a few laughing methods as well as discussed some philosophical views about life. For me, the course was not life-changing as I am in quite a healthy mind & body state but nevertheless, it reminded me about several PMA- Positive Mental Attitudes that over time, I had neglected. Like a piano that needs re-tuning, I am tuned. So thanks!

In case you're wondering what this picture is about, this was the first meal I took after the Art of Living workshop on Saturday. I did not feast on the meat in case you're wondering. I took the beans and tomato salad, Labanese style. Brendan was very supportive, he fetched me from work every night of the course. He waited around for me, reading newspaper while waiting and I really do appreciate that.

减肥成功！

Ok, any further weight loss will be bonus.

Thou shall not fret.

如今以达到5kg loss, 那就从这儿保持建康吧。

Don't Postpone Your Happiness 别延后你的幸福！

别延后你的幸福！

别说等你念完书，结了婚， 才幸福。
别说等你有了屋子，有了孩子，才幸福。
别说你孩子长大，才幸福。
别说有了钱，才幸福。
不如说，幸福，就趁现在。

Question to us: What do you need to be happy? When will you be happy?

I thought I had already knew this and had the answers.
But when I was at the Art of Living workshop last night, I answered that I am already Happy but would be happier if I (XXXXX etc etc). gosh. what kind of answer was that!!
And to think that I knew all.

Ok, don't postpone your happiness.
Your happiness starts now.

Non-extravagant Living

INDOCHINE (we gave a treat for two friends, dinner & wine)
462.67
VPOSTSINGTEL SINGAPORE SG (home phone bill)
30.15
PARAGON MARKET PLACE SINGAPORE SG (fruits)
16.40
HANG TEN-IMM SINGAPORE SG (blouse for work)
27.50
BOSSINI-IMM SINGAPORE SG (T-shirts for gang- Jac's farewell gift)
96.60
M1 LIMITED - BILL PAYMENTSINGAPORE SG (mom's & my mobile bill)
51.58
STARHUB CABLE VISION LTD SINGAPORE SG (cable TV)
60.46
BEST DENKI-GWC SINGAPORE SG (phone set for home, old one spoilt)
60.00
DELL SINGAPORE PTE LTD 10/12 (installment for laptop)
164.07
PARAGON MARKET PLACE SINGAPORE SG (fruits)
13.70
SOO KEE SINGAPORE SG (gift for sis)
19.90
OG P/L-ORCHARD POINT SINGAPORE SG (Catherine's & YC's BD gifts)
79.90
THREEPIGS PTE LTD SINGAPORE SG (can't remember!)
39.00
SISTIC-INTERNET (MOTO) SINGAPORE SG (treat for Jonathan & YS to A Capella concert)
64.00
GROOVE DESIGNS SINGAPORE SG (2 T-shirts for Bren)
64.90
WATSON'S SINGAPORE SG (toilteries)
14.55

Total S$1,265.38

Okay, the above are bits and pieces of my expenses which i just copied it from the on-line bill statement. the expenses are all very little and i do not want to be stingy on anything!
I mean, giving people dinner treat is not an often thing but we would like to cultivate the habit of treating our friends! so is buying BD gifts. It is just a yearly gesture, why stop?!

After adding petrol & food expenses,,, it is common to hit $2k and beyond.
And that is not buying myself anything I really like. (like an i-phone!!!)

I do not agree that i overspend and I do not advocate spending less.
I feel that we should all live Magnificently!
Why not!

I know the text book defination of Inflation
We learn it in Economics.

But the real life experience of Infation sucks.
Price for my eye drop rose from $6.50 to $7.15 to $9.30 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it took 7 yrs to rise from $6.50 to $7.15 but it took 3 months to rise to $9.30!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How do I know that?
I've been buying the same prescribed brand of eye drop since I've done Lasik in 1998.

The house that we were eyeing, a 5-room point block at Dover Crescent,
was priced by HDB at $220K in 2006 but became $330K this year.
we were hoping to buy it when we're eligible to sell our current flat, but it was nevertheless snapped up by another family. Ya, at that inflated price.

So anyway, me being me, will always look at the brighter side of things.
and we seek for great values amongst times of Inflation.
But I do have to point out that prices once gone up will never (can i say never?) retreat to its old prices. (unless with intense competition or in a phasing-out trend)

So how?? Got to stick to my job?

Gathering

Friday 22-Aug

Ex-colleagues gathering.

Usha has gotten married in India. It never fails to amaze me how some people have the courage to marry someone they hardly know. I guess they must have made a calculated risk and decided to go for it. Our Prime Minister says that match-making works for some, and encourages Singaporeans to go for it if necessary.

Saturday 23-Aug

Chalet @ Parsir Ris

Tim's BD celebration. The guys are just laughing a lot, playing "five-ten" guessing game not to be forefieted with liquor but with food. It helps to clear the buffet table full of Satays, corn, sweet potatoes, garlic bread, salmon & sotongs.

I always feel warm when people (friends & family) make an effort to go for stuff like that.

I mean, any party or gathering may not be like most glam or most fun. So, you do not go with an expectation of being entertained. You go just because of friendship or kinship. So, I like.

It was also very nice to be catching up with cousie Liang.

I mean, it's been a while since we chatted so we had lots to catch up.

Also, cousie Alex came like midnight and we played the ususal "chor dai di", "24" and "Gin Rummy".

I couldn't sleep much, cos I need familiarity & comfort mostly.

If you like it, then it's art!

大家来看！
这是我有兴趣，没事无聊画出来的。
好看吧?

前两天surf net 时看到有位 Art Director 的作品，
心想，其实我也会嘛。
这只不过时乱涂鸦一番，(doodling)
If you like it, then it's art!

post note:
emmmmm.... unfortunately, the resolution here is terrible,,
I must have saved the file quality wrongly or the canvas size too small... too bad, cos the actual picture is sharp & you could see the intricate designs

= (

Social life, 我回来了！

刚观看Oprah Winfrey talkshow；
今天主题有关aging & reverse aging.
其实main culprit is,,,, you guessed it:
<<压力>>。

压力导致种种心理，身体问题。
The good news is; it is easily reversible IF you make an effort now.

譬如: 多做运动，每天做stretching，
还有静坐，time-out. "OOOOOmmmmmm" time.

重点是注意呼吸，深呼吸。以及运动。

在我们忙碌的都市社会，真的容易 lose sight这细节。

第二便是饮食。

大家总误会减肥，
其实人的身体原本就该吃的是蔬菜，
少许的肥肉与糖类。
那位医生说，人类其实大可健康的活到整百岁，
该多注意的是压力 & 运动。
ok, enough said.

过几天我不会update my blog了。
我在家里没有internet access。
这两天subscribed了"surf per day" package。
所以才会有空整理心声，一下写了那么多。
喜欢吧?

再多两天我会在家里打扫，
ya, 不知为何， 整天只想打扫。
可能我心理是有点问题。
总是想“打扫心情”。

anyway, 剩下三天“病假”，
星期三得回去医生那里，remove stitches.
各天便返回工作去。
不知工友会有什么样的反应。

星期五有个gathering of ex-marinehub colleagues.
我是在那公司认识我现任老板，
被他挖了过来，建立了新工司。
前任的工友都偶而聚一聚，但总是由我安排。
每次ringleader都是我。
唉，oh well, 谁叫我最不喜欢人们总是说说没做。
所以，偶而有时间，我便安排大家聚一聚。
有马来同胞Sarina, Noura, and Usha from India，
她太感激我鼓励她apply for PR， 应为她热爱新加坡，
and finally got her PR here.
还有好几位朋友 Candy & Jac。
有大两年多没大伙儿聚了，他们兴奋着。
我嘛，，，还好啦。
我对自己说，该是时候去go down the phone list,
把朋友一个，一个的约出来。尤其是那多年没见的。
Social life, 我回来了！

今天出门去！ An Outing Today!

医生说48个小时不准洗脸， 我可有得忙了。
那是应为我无法办到。
也只好慢慢，慢慢地，小心翼翼
inch by inch 地把脸擦干净。
只要小心别碰到脸上的 stitches 和伤口就没事。
自我幽默一下，脸上的stitches 看起来像shoelaces.

没勇气独自出门，硬吩咐brendan下午得陪我去far east plaza一 趟.

先去妈妈那儿吃饭。当然不是饭啦，
我还在免吃 carbo，
所以，吃的都是steamed fish. 美味可口。
近来在外吃的都是caeser salad，
难得有蒸鱼，那可不能错过哦。

妹妹说她少穿那双亮晶晶的运动鞋，
还是别浪费，她说给我好了。
我们就是这样，脚号不分大小，
偶而我给她，她给我。
以前还没结婚时，常俩人的皮鞋共穿,
回想起来还蛮实际。
我们的皮鞋可多呢！
addidas, nike, reebok, were the old ones we had.
我买的总是五颜六色，lime green, gold, dusk blue，
而妹妹买的总是白。
anyway,
去 far east collect 我为妹妹做的迷你相簿,相当可爱。
而且还买了三双鞋！ oh my gosh, 整天就知道买鞋！

老实说，blogging in 华文实在是费时花力。
但我想practise一下，just in case 有那么的一天，
会到祖国去工作。ha ha。
事到如今；你该了解我时常做白日梦，
也时常说笑吧！
nevertheless, just bear with my fancy. (while it lasts).
Sohcool, 没问题吧?

Pointies

一口气连买三双鞋，
那我该赶紧去约一约朋友们，出去聚一聚。

买给妹妹的迷你相簿

还廷可爱吧?

can be hung onto the mobile phone, etc.

随身携带

Quite a good customized gift idea.

$19.90.

18 photos

Green fees

restaurant 吃的沙拉菜还好，
自己乱煮一番miso soup with soft bean curd, with egg!
其实味道还真的不错！

Regain Form 恢复原形

恢复原形 Regain Form

原本就没有这颗痣的我，终于撇开心理的障碍。

老是苦恼着想除去它。。。

担心人们所说的是颗好痣，勉强接受了很久。

近来 restless 起来；找了位 aesthetic 整容医生

Dr. JJ Chua.,

就这样鼓起勇气，整了整我的容貌！

起初只是询问关于mole, 但既然要做，不如询问全部。

比如哪个chicken pox pit mark
and the huge scar left by an acne some 15 yrs ago.

最后，也顺便询问了鼻梁的做法。(filler)

请你千万别误会，这不是 spur of the moment,

而是经过非常慎重的考虑； 日夜分析；才做出的决定。

因为已经面对了许多争论 与 criticisms,

我真的不想为自己辩护。

whatever the case, i'm happy!, so, please be happy for me.

其实真的没甚么。

说真的，我从来没想过自己会去做这个。
well, never say never.

假如你seriously wanna know more, please email.

但若是想 nag at me, sorry and no thanks.
topic is not open for debate ; )

Family

Fathers And Mothers, I Love You.

Lost Ones

p.s: this is the 08-08-88 picture I was telling you about.

Goodbye

I want more!

Airy Fairy